Carrying a grudge  - Blair McPherson

I am constantly surprised at the number of successful leaders who carry  a grudge against a former colleague or associate that they clearly intend to carry to their grave. Some slight or perceived injustice  from years ago still rankles to such an extent that even to day they won’t speak their name. Often this is someone they got on very well with until the falling out. For some reason I thought leaders were bigger that this that successful leaders had thicker skins, but no.

 

Two colleagues in the same team used to be good friends but have fallen out ,neither will say why, now they won’t speak or acknowledge each other making life uncomfortable for the rest of the team and difficult for the manager who turns to HR for advice. Familiar territory for HR. However the Head of HR has a more challenging variation on this scenario. The CE of the organisation has a serious grudge against their counter part in their main partner organisation. This appears to stem from when they both worked together for the same organisation as ambitious senior managers. Neither is forth coming about what happened but both describe the other as untrustworthy, jealous of the others success and guilty of claiming credit for the others work. 

 

Relationships between the two organisations at other levels are professional and cordial. However this lack of trust and animosity is making life difficult for every one else. A number of high profile projects require decisions which under normal circumstances would require signing off by the respective CE’s. A certain amount of working round the CE’s is going on but the Director of communications wants to agree a joint press release and ideally a photo op with both CE’s signing off a joint agreement. In the end it’s the chairs of the boards of each organisation who symbolically sign the joint agreement and pose for photos.  

 

So does it matter if two large egos clash and can’t be persuaded to move on? Well it’s not good for the organisation or the individuals to hold on so doggedly to a grudge. At this level there isn’t  much HR can do ,some relationships can’t be fixed and must just be worked around. But good leaders don’t hold grudges they resolve them. Irrespective of the rights and wrongs this behaviour makes life unnecessarily difficult for others, a lot of emotional energy is expended trying to avoid over sensitive egos.

 

 Grudges can cloud judgment and lead to irrational decisions, potentially harming the leader's effectiveness. Carrying grudges can strain relationships with others, including colleagues, subordinates, Grudges can create a toxic work environment, hindering collaboration and teamwork. Focusing on past grievances can distract from present opportunities and potential for growth. The best that can be done is to encourage a shift in focus from past hurts to present opportunities and goals. 

 

Blair McPherson former director author and blogger www.blairmcpherson.co.uk